Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize