and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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