I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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