You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
