She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize