you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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