on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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