never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
