Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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