the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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