he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize