goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
