Are we in a gay sports bar?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When did angry sex become our thing?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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