I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
