I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
