did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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