Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
