I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
