I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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