Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
