i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
