I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
