Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
