i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
