I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize