I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
