You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
