im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
