Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just pee around me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
