You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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