Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
