I'm drive I can fine osifer
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
