I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
