My cat gives me a boner
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
