u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
