Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
