Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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