I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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