as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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