nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
