Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
