i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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