he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize