Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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