ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
