so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
