I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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