Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
