I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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