please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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