if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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