Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
