the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
