My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
