He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
