I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
