I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
