She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
