I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
