Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
