too bad you live with your parents still
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize