Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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