I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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