im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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