Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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