I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My liver just had a heart attack.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
