god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
