I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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