I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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