I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
