So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
